


The Child, the Monster, and the Snow

by tatertotarmy



Category: Natsume Yuujinchou | Natsume's Book of Friends
Genre: Child Abuse, Gen, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-26
Updated: 2016-08-26
Packaged: 2018-08-11 06:16:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7879726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tatertotarmy/pseuds/tatertotarmy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A young Natsume runs out into the snow. He's afraid of being hit again. He's afraid of what they'll do if he 'pretends' to see things again. He's afraid of all the monsters that are still out there, staring at him.</p>
<p>But even in all the terror, there is warmth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Child, the Monster, and the Snow

“Get out, you demon!”

The crash of glass shattering on the floor. A slap that made his cheek sting. More yelling, incoherent this time with interruptions of “you’ll wake the neighbors” and the cry of his younger cousin. In seconds, Natsume was running, bare feet hitting the snow with an urgency that ignored the chill, ignored the sting, ignored the tears running rivers down his cheeks.

He was scared.

It was like his auntie had become a demon. There had been a man at the door. A man in a paper mask with tiny black circles drawn on like eyes. Natsume didn’t know it was one of the monsters he saw. He just wanted to tell auntie that a man was at the door. A polite man who simply wanted to come in.

And she got angry. Really angry.

It wasn’t the first time she got angry, but this had been the first time she hit him.

And he deserved it. Maybe if he got hit, it would fix what was in his head. That’s what he was told. That it was all in his head. If he needed to be hit to stop causing trouble to the people around him, then he didn’t care if he got hit a thousand times.

But it didn’t work, and he didn’t know whether his tears were from the slap or the realization that he could still see them

They were in the snow, staring at him with big eyes, small eyes, giant eyes as big as his head, eyes he couldn’t count with two hands, eyes covered by masks, eyes that would follow him no matter how far he ran, how far he panted.

Eventually, he couldn’t take it. After he crossed the last building of the town, he tripped and fell, sinking down into a thick layer of snow.

Natsume sniffed down another cry, pushing his hands deeper in the snow to find the cold, rough dirt. A shiver went down his spine, the end of momentum finally letting him feel the goosebumps tingle up bare skin. All that running, and he only just realized he was still in his nightclothes. A thin black shirt that awkwardly fitted him like a dress – a scrap his uncle had thrown at him from the drawers, not wanting to purchase night clothes for him – and loose fitting tan shorts now drenched with water. He wasn’t even wearing shoes. Natsume trembled, standing up and holding himself to stay a little warm.

A small thought came to him to go back to the house. But he couldn’t move his legs, still afraid of his auntie’s glare and threatening voice. If hitting him wouldn’t fix his head…then he didn’t want to get hit again.

He sniffed.

He didn’t want to go back.

“Hm? A human?”

Natsume jumped, eyes pulling up to see a shadowed figure in the distance, blended into a blur by the tears in his eyes. He blinked, focusing on a large figure, tall and monstrous. A long black kimono draped over a body of brown fur, looking like a bear he saw in his books at school. There was a white sheet covering its face and snout; only two small holes were cut into it, revealing beady black pupils staring him down. Atop his head were large, ancient horns of a grand deer. In his hands – or claws – was the end of an open, red paper umbrella that partially rested on its shoulder.

“And a human who has the sight, at that. How curious,” the creature spoke again, the sheet trembling with the movement beneath, “Tell me, child, why are you not with your caregivers?”

Natsume tried not to look at the monster, even as it began to approach him. It stopped only inches before him, towering above. He felt himself tremble between shivers, eyes fixated on the belly of the beast to pretend he was looking forward, onto the rest of the snow-covered road.

The beast cocked its head, the sheet swaying so Natsume could see the flash of pointed teeth in the corner of his eye, “Do not attempt to fool me, human child. Your eyes gazed into my own.”

Natsume sniffed again, trying to hold down a sob.

It sighed, “Suit yourself, human child. Please, do locate your caregivers. It is to snow again at the moon’s peak, and a child such as yourself is sure to perish if left alone.” Giving a small bow of its head, the monster turned around – nearly hitting Natsume with its long, fluffy tail, and began to take long strides to the patch of forest beside the dirt road.

Natsume just stared, unmoving. Usually, the monsters would bother him. Or make it so he would cause trouble for everyone around him. For a monster to acknowledge him and simply leave him be was different. And it also scared him, what it said. It was getting really cold…but he didn’t want to go back to his auntie’s home. And he didn’t want to make people worry or bother another family that wouldn’t want to deal with him. What if he did die? Then he would really be an inconvenience. 

“If you have nowhere to go, child, then follow me.”

He looked up to see the beady eyes peering out from the edge of the forest, one step from being shadowed by the trees.

“I would prefer not to leave a child, youkai or human, to the death of a winter storm.”

The next sentence was like a whisper on the wind, the last thing Natsume heard before the monster moved to the shadows of the trees, threatening to vanish.

“W…Wait!” Natsume called out, voice cracking a little as it broke between sobs. He hurried after the monster, into the trees, only to see the large creature still standing at the edge, as if waiting for him to follow along.

“Here…” the creature spoke, reaching down a menacing arm to scoop Natsume up with its free arm. At first, Natsume yelped, afraid until he was gently being cradled in the monster’s arm as it began to walk deeper into the forest. Natsume looked down to his small feet to see dried, cracked skin with some small flecks of blood between his toes. He never noticed that. The cold had overtaken the pain, which began to sting the longer he was carried in the warm, fur arm.

The two of them remained silent for a while, and after a while, Natsume wondered if the monster even had a destination. Just as he parted his lips to ask, he saw the forest break into a small clearing. In the center sat two trees – one a magnificent pine, the other a withered husk. Between the trees was a gathering of roots that connected the two, and between two wrappings of roots was a dimly lit hole that went down.

The monster descended into the hole, and Natsume felt the chill of weather leave him. Inside was a small cave decorated with three lit, white candles in the center. It was more than large enough for Natsume, but the beast took up about half the space, curling up onto one side of the cave, letting Natsume slide down to sit upon its stomach.

“The snow shall start soon. This cave is safe enough for a human for the night,” the monster spoke, leaning its head against the cave wall, antlers neatly fitting into some holes dug into the sides, “When morning breaks, I will take you back to the human settlement.”

Natsume tensed up, the flash of his auntie’s rage projecting behind his eyelids.

“Do you not have a caretaker, child?”

He shook his head, “I-I do. They…don’t like me very much. I saw a monster and they couldn’t…” 

“By monster…perhaps you are referring to us youkai?”

“Youkai?” Natsume remembered learning about youkai in school, “Y-You mean, you aren’t monsters?”

“No…” the monster let out a breath of air, swishing around the sheet over its face, “Youkai is the name we call ourselves. It is really one of the only facts that come to us when we come into being. What we are…who we are…what our purpose is.”

“You remember being born?” Natsume asked quietly. He didn’t remember a lot from when he was really little. Sometimes he didn’t want to remember some of it.

“It is not the same as what humans go through, from what I have come to understand,” the youkai turned its head, antlers grinding against the walls, so that it could see the opening in the cave, “You aren’t there…and then you are. And you know everything you need to know. When I awoke, I knew I was the guardian of a seedling, sent to protect and nurture it as it grew.”

“You mean, that tree?” Natsume tried to go see the tree, but couldn’t even see the sky from his angle. He was too comfortable sitting on the creature’s stomach to leave. It was warm, comforting. And the rest of him was cold and full of hurt.

“Yes, one of the halves that make up this abode,” it turned its head back into the original position, adjusting a little to get comfortable, “My other half has long since departed from the world. We created this sanctuary for the two of us.”

“I-I’m sorry…” Natsume peeked up at the monster’s beady eyes, “Is it…okay? That I’m here?”

“Of course, child,” the youkai looked down at him, “Are you not welcome on a normal basis?”

“They…w-well…it’s more my fault,” Natsume yawned and rubbed his eyes of the remaining tears, “I can’t stop seeing these…youkai. They don’t like it when I see them.”

“I’ve heard that tale many a time…” the youkai reached out a clawed paw to pat Natsume on the head, “Humans with the sight are cursed with a terrible fate. Humans are not known to be forgiving creatures…though perhaps youkai are no different. Just as humans torture those who are different, there are youkai who do the same…especially with humans who can see their mischief. I do not envy your fate, child.”

“W-What? T-There are other people?” Natsume asked, jolting up, “T-There are people like me?”

“Yes…but I would not subject you to their cruelty, young one.”

“W-What?” Natsume frowned, “A-Are they…mean?” 

“Cruel,” the youkai pulled its paw away and turned its head towards the wall, thinking a while before speaking again, “There are those who would trap us, use us like pets. There are some who make it their mission to terrorize the beings that terrorize them. There is even the tale of a firesome woman who would battle every youkai in her path, stealing a part of their soul as a trophy.”

Natsume trembled, “Why? Y-You’re kind…you brought me here. Why would they be mean?”

“Why indeed?” the youkai reached forward to pat Natsume’s cheek. He felt a slight tingle, and the sting of the slap went away.

The youkai breathed in, “There is a kindness in you, child. I pray that one day, you are able to find that kindness in another. Just as I found a partner in my fellow tree, you will find a partner in the world out there. It is impossible to bear this cruel world alone.”

“B-But…” Natsume was growing drowsy – was it because he was so tired, or was it the youkai’s spell, “B-But if people like me are mean…and youkai and humans don’t like me…then h-how do I do it…?”

“The world is vast, child. As cruelty grows, kindness shines the brightest,” the youkai spoke as Natsume began to lay down on the youkai’s belly, “Hold onto hope, young child. I pray that you will hold on until that moment. It makes all of the terrors melt away.”

Natsume felt his eyes drift into blackness as he left to a dreamless sleep. 

When he woke, there were voices around him. His eyes opened to the sky, adults crouched over him in concern. The outskirts of town was where he had been found – a miracle, the townspeople were calling it. Natsume sat up, spotting his auntie and uncle at the edge of the crowd, glaring at him with disappointment. He swallowed, remembering the youkai’s words.

Hold on.

**Author's Note:**

> Some of my favorite episodes involve getting glimpses into Natsume's childhood. I hope we see more of that in season five


End file.
